


how deep is your love?

by kerrykins



Category: Big Little Lies (TV)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, fiction&femslashevent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 08:02:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20060701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerrykins/pseuds/kerrykins
Summary: A progression of Jane and Celeste's relationship.





	how deep is your love?

Jane buried her face in Corey’s shoulder, overwhelmed by the piney smell of his cologne. He held her firmly but gently as they glided in time with the music. When Corey tried to kiss her, she squirmed away. Though she cared greatly for Corey, she couldn’t see them going farther than this. There was still this impossible ache in her chest, a need for something more, something different.

Then she caught Celeste watching her from the side of the room. She always looked beautiful— but today she was wearing that robe that spun in waves of red, green, and yellow. Her gaze was reserved for Jane, and Jane alone. There was something bittersweet in her expression as she watched Jane, something that made Jane want to excuse herself and dance with Celeste instead of Corey. Before she could excuse herself though, Celeste turned away to talk to Madeline and Bonnie. Jane sighed, forcing herself to smile at a man she didn’t really love.

___

The air was alive with the laughs of their sons, the smell of freshly baked cookies, the yellow light of the apartment. Jane allowed herself to get swept up in the moment, unable to stop that flicker of joy from overtaking her. Celeste sat cross-legged on the floor beside Jane, her head tilted at an endearing angle. Jane’s heart skipped a beat when the older woman scooted nearer, inhaling that delicate scent of white wine and lavender. Her senses were soft and washed out, such a contrast to the alertness that kept her on edge around Corey, or anyone else for that matter.

And no one looked at her like Celeste did, like she was special and amazing and lovely. There was no pity, no fear— only undistilled adoration.

Jane’s face grew pleasantly warm.

___

Jane’s throat closed up as Principal Nippal spoke. Images of Ziggy, Max, and Josh flashed in her head, fuzzy glimpses of them socking that poor little boy in the nose, blood running down his face while he cowered under the punches of the three boys. She had thought that she’d gotten over her worries about Ziggy inheriting his father’s ugly temper but now they were resurfacing— painfully clear and sinking into her brain like claws, as if they’d never really left. It was beyond her control, just like everything else in her life. So much for burying the hatchet, or rather repressed trauma she was projecting onto her son.

Then she heard Celeste shifting in her seat and glanced over at her. She had expected Celeste to look angry or distressed, but instead the older woman’s attention seemed to be directed on her rather than the principal. Her eyes were a soft blue in the morning light, her fingers lightly brushing over Jane’s knuckles. Jane tuned out Nippal too, a little startled by the way Celeste was looking at her. A chill ran through her bones, not entirely unpleasant but unfamiliar.

Not a moment later, Celeste drew her hand back into her lap. Jane wanted to tell her that she hadn’t really minded, that she wanted to try holding Celeste’s hand for real, that she hadn’t realised how much she had needed that until now.

But Principal Nippal was already rising from his seat, already seeing them out. Jane tried not to be too disappointed.

___

Jane felt a heady rush of adrenaline, blood roaring in her ears. How dare she? Mary Louise had no right to do this to Celeste, a woman who was nothing but kind and compassionate. She didn’t regret a single thing she’d screamed into Mary Louise’s door earlier that evening and she’d do it again if she had to.

In the orange light of the bar’s fire pit, Celeste reached out to grasp Jane’s hand reassuringly. That ever-present sorrow was reflected in her eyes, smiling tightly. “You didn’t have to do that for me, Jane. I’m just worried she might use this as justification for taking Ziggy away, too.”

“Over my dead body,” Jane said firmly. “And there is no way in hell she’s getting your kids. No fucking way. You’re one of the best mothers I know.”

Celeste laughed softly, hiding a smile with her hand. “I’m very flattered that you think of me so highly, but I’m not perfect.”

“I don’t think anyone is, but you’re pretty damn close.”

“You’re too sweet. California courts tend to favour the mother, so I’m praying the universe will be on my side, just this once.”

Jane would give anything for Celeste to win her case. She loves what they’ve become, her and Celeste and their shared sons, an odd little family of their own.

“Please don’t worry too much about this.” There was a plea in Celeste’s voice, one to be taken seriously. Jane would worry no matter what Celeste told her, but nodded and leaned her head on the older woman’s shoulder.

___

Words could not adequately describe Jane’s elation at Celeste’s win. Once the court was dismissed, she swept the older woman up in a hug, not at all caring what a ridiculous pair they made, that people were staring.

“Oh!” Celeste said breathlessly, grinning ear to ear. Jane’s chest ached at how beautiful Celeste was, in her pink pantsuit and glowing with joy. Without thinking, she leaned in to kiss the older woman. Celeste made a surprised noise but wrapped her arms around Jane, her lips soft and tasting of fruity lip gloss.

“Get a room, you two!” Madeline’s shout was delighted and the sound of enthusiastic clapping could be heard.

Jane jerked away to see the other women of the Monterey 5 watching them with avid interest and rolled her eyes.

“Give them some space,” Renata said, shaking her head as she pulled Madeline away.

Once it was just them, Jane cupped Celeste’s face carefully, stroking her cheek with a thumb. “Is this okay with you? You know, the whole kissing thing?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Celeste inquired. Then she reached in to kiss Jane again.


End file.
